Vulnerability post
It’s been a looong time since I’ve really shown up in this space.
Or any space in regards to my quilting business. Instagram, Facebook, the blog, the newsletter.
I pop in here and there, but it’s been hard to really jump back in with both feet. Because honestly, I don’t feel like I know who I am here anymore.
I don’t know how I fit in. If I fit in. If I belong.
I LOVE my quilting business.
Looking back over the years it has been the most amazing, and sometimes difficult, journey. The love and connections of friends, creativity, inspiration, support. It’s blessed me tremendously, carried me through much hardship and heart ache, and lifted me to new heights and possibilities. It’s been so rewarding and brought so much joy!
It’s been SOOO much more than just a business. It’s been a personal and very intimate experience that has come from the core of my soul. I really can say I gave it my all to get it to where it is now.
In the fall of 2020 some life events put the breaks on my quilting business as I shifted my full focus to my children and my own healing journey.
It wasn’t until early this year that I designed a new pattern for the first time in 2 years, and the first time in almost 2 years that I sewed basically anything!
It has been the best feeling and best experience to be back at it! And I look forward to so much more happening in this space again.
But I find myself hesitating. Unable to fully be here.
I have only ever put my soul into this work. This business is me.
But now I’m a different person than I was all those years ago. And even different than who I was 2 years ago.
I honestly didn’t know if I’d ever come back to this.
But here I am! And I love it!
Except I’m not, here. Because I’m not sure how I fit anymore.
I feel like an outsider looking in.
I can’t do this work as something outside of myself. Outside of my soul. That’s not who I am, or what this has ever been.
There were so many years of vulnerability and transparency. And somewhere along the road, I turned that way down. I started holding back. Which is fine. But I find that I can’t do that moving forward.
There’s too much that I’ve learned, and how much I’ve grown, that I can’t shrink back down to who I was or where I was at. I don’t want to turn down the volume of who I am now to make it fit into what I was.
But how does this all fit with quilting?
And will anyone want this?? I don’t know.
What is “this” even?
All I know is that I have to be true to me first.
So I might be awkward, fall down a lot, look like a hot mess, not make sense or seem a little off the mark as I try this on again and see how it feels. Like trying on a new outfit – sometimes it doesn’t fit and you need a different size, or a different style shirt. Or a new pair of shoes. But I want to try…
And I want to keep trying! Because I think when I find that perfect fit, its going to be so amazing and so worth it! And a million times better than it’s ever been in the past!
I can’t tell you what to expect here, because I honestly don’t know.
But I hope you’ll join me for the journey!
And if I keep starting over and write a million posts like this, lol, I hope that’ll be ok too. Because that’s just me getting the courage to keep trying. Keep starting over. Keep showing up.
And I promise that’s what I’ll do. And I think it’s going to be a lot of fun!!
I’m really excited!
And I hope you are too! [high five!!]
Do you feel like you can relate to these feelings? Have you ever had an experience where you’re not quite sure how you fit into a part of your life anymore after you’ve taken time to stretch yourself and grow?
I’d love to hear your experiences in the comments. 🙂
